Finally Friday.

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It’s Friday! Hooray!

This was my third week of work and things feel like they may be starting to settle into a bit of a grove. I’m enjoying the challenge of working but also enjoying the benefit of being home with sweet Eleanor at the same time. I love it when life feels like it’s falling into place (at least sort of).

There’s nothing officially planned for this weekend so we’re just going to wing it! The weather is supposed to be in the 70’s (whaaaat?) and I plan on enjoying every darn minute of it. Eleanor better get ready for some long walks because I’m going to make it happen!

Hope you have a great one and enjoy my finds from around the interwebs:

Have you seen the shampoo prank video? I might be the last person on the internet to see it, but I couldn’t stop laughing. If you need a bit of a pick me up, this will certainly do the trick.

I’m not sure I can adequately express my love for this French Vinaigrette recipe. It’s simple, delicious and turns regular old lettuce into something you’ll crave every. single. day. Make it, now. You won’t regret it.

The last time I bought shoes that weren’t tennis shoes was… um… a very long time ago. I’m talking years here. That’s why nobody is more surprised than me that I can’t stop thinking about these sandals for summer. It’s March which means it’s almost summer and I can wear sandals, right?

Every time someone brings up Donald Trump or I catch a glimpse of that terrible haircut, I feel mildly nauseous. This post by Max Lucado on Decency For President really struck a cord with me. And, while we’re on that note, Cape Breton making it easy to move there if ‘ol Donald is elected.

Would you ever try making your own watercolors? This video makes it look so easy (damn you Facebook videos) that I sort of, kind of, maybe want to try it.

If you’ve ever talked to me about maternity leave or anything having to do with that, you know that it makes me incredibly angry. INCREDIBLY ANGRY. I couldn’t help but relate to this article and I totally agree that “Having It All Kind Of Sucks“.

I know so many people that are pregnant… which means they’ll be needed a name for that little bebe. This baby name app is tops and I’m thinking it might have saved us from the naming conundrum we found ourselves in. I’m book marking this for baby #2.

Hope you have a good one!

The (First) Lose-Lose of Motherhood.

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My twelve weeks are almost up.

My baby isn’t old enough to sit up, she’s exclusively breast fed and has eaten from a bottle only four times in her little life. She’s just starting to laugh and really chat it up with the goo goo gaga business. I’m mostly healed from pushing a 10 lb baby out of my nether regions and feeling almost back to myself.

All of which seems to mean I’m about to face one of the infamous lose-lose moments of motherhood.

Going back to work or staying home.

Either way, the moral of this story is that you lose.

Looking back 3 years ago, Christian and I decided to start trying for a family. Over the course of our journey to get pregnant we would discover I have PCOS, endure all sorts of hormone treatments (which weren’t a walk in the park), suffer a miscarriage and weather through the tears each month when my period showed up instead of those two little lines.

The day I found out I was pregnant with Eleanor I was ecstatic while also feeling an equal measure of fear. Nonetheless, my pregnancy progressed pretty normally and being pregnant was even better than I had imagined it to be (most of the time). Throughout each day I’d be met with questions about my pregnancy, about the baby – each holding a air of excitement and wonder. Everyone is excited about pregnancy, everyone is excited about babies.

Fast forward to the present. No one is excited about a 3 month old (well except me, her dad and probably her grand parents). My profession tells me it’s time to give up the goat. Go back to work. Leave my baby – the baby I fought so hard for. The baby that believes I’m her entire world.

And if I do? If I go back to work full-time?

I’m a bad mother.

In fact, I’m giving up precious time with my child, I’m leaving my child at her most vulnerable stage, I’m leaving her when she needs me the most. I’ve been asked “do you want her to be bonded to you or to a nanny”? Isn’t the answer clear and more importantly why is this even a question in the first place?

On the flip side of this argument, I can stay home.

When you check out the other side of the highly judgmental Mommy wars – this is what is supposed to happen. This is nature’s way. I can breastfeed on command, I can snuggle that sweet little baby when she needs me and clearly she will be bonded to me… and not a nanny.

But… but…

What do I lose in the process?

I lose the last 8.5 years of work, I lose the salary I worked so hard to earn and I mostly lose any future job prospects once I’m out of the work force for a couple of years. I went to college, I’ve worked hard, I have dreams.

I’m not special, this story isn’t unique and neither are the anxious feelings I’ve been fighting. The problem is bigger than me. It’s bigger than the atrocious maternity benefits my company offers. It’s systemic and it’s a shame.

Right now, I don’t know what to do. The only thing I do know is that either way I lose.