Spit.

I’ve spent 20 minutes thinking about how to broach this subject… I could start off talking about my love of snacks (many of which I have shoved down my pie hole these past few days), but that didn’t feel right. I could talk about spit in general, but that undermines the awkwardness… so here it goes. No fancy intro.

Breathing is suppose to be a natural thing. Like walking. Just something you learn to do and continue to do until you die. Because then, well, you’re not breathing among many other things. Let’s be honest, you’re worm food.  (However, did you know that your hair and nails continue to grow after death? Tasty!) So, like you, I breathe. Except on the occasion when I choke on my own spit. Do you do that? Is that considered forgetting to breathe? I’m probably the sexiest woman on the planet right now. Admitting to frequent choking fits because I can’t swallow my own spit. Wow.

I once asked someone “You know when you choke on your own spit and end up with a terrible coughing fit?”. And you know what they did, they looked at me like I’d been labotomized, like they could never conceive doing such a horrendously disgusting thing. Is it bizarre that I choke on my own spit? Maybe it goes hand in hand with the fact I can’t walk out of my office without clipping at least one half of my body on the door frame. Coordination in both walking and swallowing don’t appear to be my strong points in life.

I’ve tried to stop, tried to swallow or work whatever reflex that causes me to do this, all to no avail. I generally blame my clumsiness on being tall and having a weird center of gravity (I may have made that up…). But, I don’t think choking on myself can be blamed on my center of gravity. So what gives?

Published by Megan

I'm a marketer, cook, avid bug hater, cupcake lover, hiker, klutz, and married lady living in the great state of Colorado... My name is Megan Stecker and I'm a Colorado native. That's right, born and raised. I currently live in Denver and work in Marketing. I love what I do and watching it impact my client's business. I love to cook and bake. A good glass of wine can cure what's ailing you as long as you drink it in good company. I love the outdoors. Hiking, camping, exploring... I'm in. I have two dogs, Ollie and Duke, and I treat them like a children. My husband, friends and family mean everything to me. I also, inadvertently, find myself in the midst of disaster on a regular basis.

21 thoughts on “Spit.

  1. First, awesome that your post linked to a story about gleeking.

    Second, the thing about people not relating to something you considered so standard is pretty funny … I had a similar thing. My belly button traps, every day, a fair amount of lint.

    You should try and become an expert gleeker … it’s gross when you think about it, but it’s got such a fun name.

    1. Ah-mazing that it linked to Gleeking… cracks me up! I’ve never thought to explore how much lint my belly button can trap, maybe something I’ll need to look into! Do people look at you like you’ve been lobotomized when you discuss your belly button lint or is that something you like to keep a little less in the open?

  2. Oh I definitely keep that on the private side. Though posting kind of wrecks that … Maybe I’ll one day change my blog name to the name of some guy I dislike, so people will associate him with the lint-trap belly button. (I’m a big fan of grand plans that don’t accomplish anything.)

    I’m afraid you win this round of awkward talents. Touche …

      1. I think a separate blog with a random guys name might just do the trick. I’m a big fan of plans that accomplish little as well! Big planner! So glad I won this one, maybe I’ll be able to maintain a considerable lead. Hmmm…

      2. I added your blog to my readdomatic list (or whatever it’s called) … so I saw your one about SF … actually I should probably be responding to that but whatever.

        Anyway – 6 feet tall? You’re one tall lady. How many times a week did you get a basketball question? And, follow up question, when you visit relatives do you still get the ‘I swear you’re still growing!’ comment?

        Lastly, hope you had a great trip. Pics looked pretty cool. And food is definitely the thing to focus on when out here (my folks just visited and we were all about stuffing our faces).

      3. Thanks for the add! I have you in my reader and favorites list… to check often! You’re hilarious.

        I am just shy of 6′ tall… I get the basketball question ALL THE TIME around people I don’t know. I played volleyball which usually shuts them up! The still growing thing. I get that all the time too. I think it mostly because my relatives are all in the “shrinking” phase of their lives. As they shrink, I grow. Or so it seems.

        The trip was great, way too short, but awesome. I ate and ate and ate, but what are vacations for? Do you live in SF?

      4. Sweet deal! Gracias and you as well tall-y mctall.

        I think my grandmother will always be disappointed that I was not a basketball stud. I’m 6’3 but horrible at bball. I didn’t play any other comparable sport … I ran, but tiny people can run too. It’s just they don’t look like awkward gazelle’s when they’re out and about.

        Ahhhh yes vacations are good for eating. Have you done a cruise?

        I live outside SF, the “south bay” (or peninsula … not sure actually). And you (assuming you’ve stated that elsewhere – if not I’m not trying to be creepy)

        I saw the alcatraz post, and I just went there for the first time recently! My folks were in town for a visit so we headed there and luckily the weather was perfect. Your picture from inside one of the hallways looking up was awesome – wish I’d taken one like that. Did you do the audio tour?

        (Sorry for the incredibly long and boring comment.)

      5. Tall-y Mctall, that’s a new one, I like it. Oh man, the running really sparked an image. I don’t think people that aren’t tall can truly grasp the awkward coordination we are bestowed with. When I run I know that I an just an array of arms and legs, limbs really, just flailing in the wind. So attractive. Awkward gazelle also sums it up quite nicely.

        I have not done a cruise, but hear that since eating is what I do, that I need to check it out. I’m most definitely game!

        I actually live in Denver, CO… not creepy in the slightest. I think it’s in my About Me scribbles or on Twitter. Definitely not a secret by any means. The weather was great for us at Alcatraz too — minus a little drizzle at the end causing me to eat it down a set of stairs. I’m graceful. I think my favorite pictures from the whole trip were from Alcatraz… then again I have a thing for prisons. I did the audio tour, which was surprisingly very good…

        Any other good tips for my next trip out, which hopefully will be sooner rather than later?

      6. I went to a friends house in high school and his little sister looked at me and said, “you’re tall! tally!” and so it stuck … somewhat, I was also called stretch for a bit.

        Your running description makes me think of the show friends … the episode with phoebe jogging (I’m actually not the type to normally cite friends, whatever ‘type’ that is … but that’s what I thought of).

        Oh yeah. Cruises are built for stuffing your face and, if you’re up for it, making the natives hate you by doing trips off the boat. “Ohhhhh let’s get this poncho! Hey look, a poncho!” “Sir that’s my grandma” “PONCHO!”

        Denver! I almost, kind of, moved there. Well there or colorado springs. It may still happen – if so you’ll have to point me in the direction of good sandwiches (proud moment for you, I’m sure, a stranger looking to you for sandwich advice).

        Yeah I found your prison/shark passion funny. If only you could combine the two?

        Next trip … I’d say shoot for bay to breakers (hysterical and awesome – people dress up, drink, and walk a couple mile jogging path – yessss).

        Ahhh sorry for the long message again.

      7. I don’t think I ever had a nick name with tall in it. Chicken legs when I was younger and I often refer to myself as an Amazon, but that’s about it. I think I missed the boat on that one.

        Hopefully I don’t actually look like Phoebe from friends (maybe I do and am oblivious), but sometimes with these long limbs that’s how I feel! I love Friends. It could play in the background of my day forever and I wouldn’t get sick of it. I could cite friends far more often than I do… not so sure that’s a good thing!

        Well I love eating and stirring up hatred for tourists… so I’m 97% sure a cruise would be right up my alley.

        Denver is a great city — not sure how I would ever live without the mountains if I left — though I may be able to compromise if a beach were involved… or it was a somewhere where everyone had wicked cool accents. If you ever head out here I’ve got a plethora of sandwich shop recommendations for you. Try not to get too excited. AND, if I head out I’m totally going to to shoot for bay to breakers, sounds like a seriously good time.

        Sharks and Prisons, weird? I think so. I can’t help it… I’m beyond fascinated with both. Seriously. I could waste hours… and hours.

        Mine got long too — out of control comment coming your way.

  3. That’s crazy, almost 6 feet and no tall-related nicknames? Amazon is very understandable. Do you call yourself that in the third person, out loud, like when you run errands? I hope so.

    Yeah I think watching so many friends re-runs I’m getting more into it … it’s sad, in college I was so good about hardly watching tv. Now it’s so much tv. I’m crazy for Frasier re-runs (sad? you betcha).

    You should do a cruise. Or you should sponsor (ie pay) for me to go on a cruise, and I’ll tell you all about it? Deal?

    Ok so now I’m maaaaaaybe moving to Houston. Thoughts there?

    Plethora! Plethora! Take it easy college face! (I don’t know.)

    On Friday or tomorrow night I’m going to post about Halloween in SF … and it’ll mostly be pictures so watch for that mess.

    Bay to Breakers is waaaaay awesome. If you do visit here again I can point you toward some websites that list bizarre/fun things going on.

    Hey, everyone’s got their hobbies – I like being awkward, you like sharks and prisons, it’s a good thing.

    1. The whole Amazon thing sounds something like this: (when wearing heels or around particularly munchkin like people) “Man, I’m a freaking AMAZON… AMAZON I tell you.” That’s all, nothing very funny. Maybe I will start referring to myself in the third person to up the charm factor…

      I think you and my friend Rachel are the only other people that are crazy for Frasier re-runs! She got me hooked and now, every night at 10:00 you can find me watching Frasier — or Criminal Minds. Any other shows frequent your screen?

      And for the record, if I’m paying for anyone’s cruise… it will be mine. I don’t think your description of all the eating would do it for me regardless of your writing skills.

      Houston — it has its moments. My older sister used to live there and I loved going to visit. Negatives: Cockroaches, Fire Ants, No basements, crazy humidity. But I’m sure there are many good points as well! It’s green most of the year… amongst other things.

      I’ll keep my eyes peeled for your Halloween photos. Stoked.

      AND, I wouldn’t call sharks & prison a hobby per se, more of a fascination. Hobbies for me include being awkward, making others awkward, talking way too much or way too little, causing weight gain with my cooking, volleyball, hiking etc. I like to mix it up.

      1. Third person is definitely charming. And if you could gleek while doing it …

        Hm, well maybe Rachel and I are geniuses. It’s Frasier! Come on!! (a la Monica)

        I have been big on the office lately … because it’s recently started with re-runs on whatever channel it is. Yesssss. I loves me some re-runs. Also Law & Order is terrible, but I love it. “You’re guilty, I’m 100% sure” … this happens about, what, 10 times a show?

        Why’d your sis live in Houston? No offense to Houston, but … well …

        Work has been crazy with finding a new assignment. Now, at least for the next bit, I’ll be in California still. Sweet!

        That cracked me up about the talk too much/too little. I do the exact same thing. “What, that girl is attractive? Allow me to sit in silence and smile at my shoes.”

      2. Alright… we should probably contact People magazine because if I talk to myself in the third person and gleek at the same time I’m likely to become the Sexiest Woman Alive. Get the press releases ready!

        I went to an “Office” themed party last night. I failed miserably since I don’t really watch it. I watched Friends yesterday for an hour and felt pretty content with it. Law and Order (especially SVU) can suck me in most of the time as well! Re-runs can kill a Satruday like nothing else I know.

        My sister went to school in Austin and then taught at the University of Houston… She liked it a lot! Minus the bugs…

        What do you do for work that requires new assignments and moving? Will you stay in the SF area this time around?

        I don’t have a happy medium with my talking. I either OVER TALK or sit there and listen. Nothing will make someone more awkward than silence. Dead silence. As far as guys go… I just drink a lot of water when I feel awkward. I can blow through a Nalgene in 10 minutes trying to fill in the quiet.

      3. How good is your chewbacca impression? Because if you can throw that in with the gleeking/third personing … well, look out world. (Also if you don’t know chewbacca that breaks my heart.)

        Hmmm I dig the office themed party idea. Were people assigned roles? Because I would think everyone would want to show up as just the main crazy characters, plus Jim & Pam. I would go as Stanley, the big black guy.

        Umm, Megan, I know we don’t know each other … but Saturdays are for football. Do you go to any Air Force games? Or … the school at boulder?

        Oh yeah Texas is fun, I went to college in Dallas. And I used to live in Georgia so I’m ok with big bugs.

        I’m a programmer, but the company I work for has several locations so I was maybe going to get a job in a different place. I still will, just not sure when (it’s sort of driving me nuts).

        Nalgene? That sounds like a contagious thing you’d catch on some safari. I wrote a very short story called “nervous sipping” where I drink too much water when meeting a girlfriends parents and then feel incredibly awkward when I have to go to the bathroom every 20 minutes. I have self-diagnosed grandpa bladder.

      4. Mmm, Chewbacca. Not sure I could do him justice, or even sound even remotely close. Impersonations and accents aren’t high on my list of talents, though applying cover up, making cupcakes, and slipping on ice are definitely in the top 5.

        The office themed party was pretty quality. Though it might have been better if I knew who the characters were and got the jokes. I did a lot of “nod, smile, shove 7 cheese puffs in my mouth at once” all trying to fill the dead space between the jokes I didn’t get.

        Saturdays are for football. I devoted several hours to the MIZZOU game yesterday… but I do believe there are a couple seasons where football doesn’t dominate Saturday. Those are the times in which re-runs can take over the TV. What teams do you stay glued to on Saturdays?

        I can’t believe anyone on this planet can be “ok” with big bugs. I screamed because there was a spider in the shower. I can’t even be in the same room. *shiver* I’m thinking the South may not be the location for me! I would love to work for a company that has tons of locations. The ability to move all over would be pretty awesome. I’m not jealous or anything.

        Nalgene… like the indestructible water bottle (more or less). I’m baffled. I had one of those nights last weekend. I drank and drank and drank water. TONS OF WATER, then I had to pee every 12 minutes and was worried they would think I had a clinical problem. Talk about awkward.

      5. Since make up, cupcakes and falling are in your top 5 talents, and that’s such an odd mix, what are the other 2? (Yes I know you weren’t being sincere but I’m putting pressure on you to come up with 2 more equally unrelated things. Pressure’s on … SUCKER!)

        Just 7 cheese puffs? That’s the first disappointing thing I’ve heard from you. You’ve been demoted to semi-Amazon.

        Mizzou? Eh? Is that where you went? I figured you’d be state pride? Or are you not from Colorado? (Although to be fair Mizzou is fun to say.)

        I go for Army because my dad went there, and SMU because I went there. SMU and Army are actually winning some games this season. It’s crazy. I’m a pro at watching the team I want to win lose.

        I remember going into the bathroom one time when I was in maybe elementary or middle school, and seeing a cup on the counter face down. I lifted it and there was a spider chilling, so I put the cup back down over him. My sister did not want to kill the spider, but she didn’t want him out free – so that was her solution. I don’t like big bugs … and if there’s a bug that’s semi-above me (so that I would be afraid if I tried to kill him he would sense it and jump on my head) I will take like an hour to kill him by throwing shoes. So … maybe “ok” is too strong a word since I’m kind of a sissy.

        You do have a clinical problem, and it is chronic awkwardness. It plagues me any time I see a pretty face, or need to make a good impression. But if it doesn’t matter? Man, I am so cool (and by cool I mean regular amounts of awkward).

        Ahhh another essay from your online stalker. Lo siento.

      6. Alright online stalker, let’s see if I can beat your essay. It may be hard to do. Ok… the other 2 in my top 5 talents. They’re top secret, so don’t tell anyone. Capiche?

        For the record, they were big cheese puffs and I fit them ALL THE WAY in my mouth. Anymore and one would have been hanging out. I can risk looking unattractive after all. Geez, so particular.

        Mizzou is the team I grew up rooting for. Mizzou is #1. I went to CSU so I cheer for them too, but they barely ever win so it’s more disheartening to try and follow those games. Maybe one day they’ll grow up and stop sucking… Haha, that’s hilarious. Mizzou is doing alright. They did pretty well early on and then took a dive mid-way. This past game was the first time they’d scored in the second half since September. Change for the positive? I think so.

        I couldn’t get close enough to a spider to put a cup over it. Gives me the willies just thinking about it. Just can’t do it. I did get a gift for my b-day that helped with that problem. Check back for details.

        I think I’ve heard of it… Chronic Awkward Personality, also known as C.A.P. or Cap for short. If you sweat in all situations, ingest unrealistic amounts of fluids during dates. If you frequently trip, stumble or fall in front of large groups or break out in red splotches when things get mildly uncomfortable you may want to discuss these symptoms with your doctor. They could be a sign of a more serious disease… … …

      7. Top Secret! Pshhh, whatever Val Kilmer (all right, 80’s reference for the day … check).

        The mental image of the cheese puffs inspired an idea. You know the nerf guns that shoot the yellow balls? I should do that, only instead use my face and cheese puffs. My brother’s kids are going to be so excited to see me next week.

        If Mizzou is number one … then I’ve been lied to about a lot of other colleges. Next you’re going to tell my I’m not the world’s greatest dad. (I’m not actually a dad at all, but I bought a t-shirt from wal-mart that says “world’s greatest hypothetical dad” … actually I wish I did own a shirt that says that.)

        Ha. I get your check back for details. I just saw that post. When I first read that I was like … whaaaat … cliff hanger? Tricky gal.

        I don’t think I fall much … my awkwardness just comes from over thinking things that really shouldn’t be thought about at all. And since moving to the bay area I think I’ve only gotten worse (you live with the nerds, you take on their traits, you know?).

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