The day of the car accident… I went to the doctor just to get checked out and make sure I wasn’t bleeding from some place I had yet to discover (because that totally happens). While I was there they added insult to injury and made me get my sweet arse up on the scale. I’ve known what would be staring back at me wasn’t going to be pretty, so I haven’t stepped up to overview the damage in several months. I figured I’d clear it all up after the new year. In reality, what stared back at me was the highest weight I’ve ever reached in my life. Ever.
Now, now don’t go all crazy and start posting comments like “You look great!! Eat what you want” or “I can’t tell you’ve gained a pound, you look gorgeous”, because I know I don’t look like the latest whale to beach itself in Florida. I’m 6′ and the weight distributes itself pretty evenly. But, I feel it — in my energy levels and in the way my pants fit (or how it takes me five minutes to stretch them out every time I put them on).
Seems to me that’s my problem. I know there’s a problem, but I continually put off doing anything about it. You’d think I would have gone to get a salad after that, but no, I went to the grocery store to pick up some Aleeve and some frozen pizzas, figuring I deserved a little comfort after such a rough day. I’m really struggling with saying buh-bye to pasta, pizza (I swear they sprinkle it with crack), french fries, chocolate cake etc. I’ve got all the information stored in my brain and I can recite it to you, but when someone tempts me with something delicious I cave. Every. Single. Time.
My stomach these past few weeks has been in complete and utter revolt. The only way I can describe it is this raw feeling inside. It’s as if someone went in and scraped at the lining of my stomach, and every time I eat it just rubs salt in the wound. But, because my life revolves around eating I kept popping the Milk duds and fries and pizza because it was worth the pain.
But, I don’t want to be fat. I don’t want to have stomach pain. I don’t want to allow my life to revolve around food. Because of that I’m trying again. I’m working on my veggies and starting a Whole Foods cleanse to, you know, clear things out. With all this moving, I’m getting some workouts in… which reminds me I need to step that up as well. Whew I’m going to be busy. I’ll keep you posted and keep on trucking. Maybe I need one of those accountability days – giving that some thought!
*Image by: Johnny Vulkan