I’ve spent 20 minutes thinking about how to broach this subject… I could start off talking about my love of snacks (many of which I have shoved down my pie hole these past few days), but that didn’t feel right. I could talk about spit in general, but that undermines the awkwardness… so here it goes. No fancy intro.
Breathing is suppose to be a natural thing. Like walking. Just something you learn to do and continue to do until you die. Because then, well, you’re not breathing among many other things. Let’s be honest, you’re worm food. (However, did you know that your hair and nails continue to grow after death? Tasty!) So, like you, I breathe. Except on the occasion when I choke on my own spit. Do you do that? Is that considered forgetting to breathe? I’m probably the sexiest woman on the planet right now. Admitting to frequent choking fits because I can’t swallow my own spit. Wow.
I once asked someone “You know when you choke on your own spit and end up with a terrible coughing fit?”. And you know what they did, they looked at me like I’d been labotomized, like they could never conceive doing such a horrendously disgusting thing. Is it bizarre that I choke on my own spit? Maybe it goes hand in hand with the fact I can’t walk out of my office without clipping at least one half of my body on the door frame. Coordination in both walking and swallowing don’t appear to be my strong points in life.
I’ve tried to stop, tried to swallow or work whatever reflex that causes me to do this, all to no avail. I generally blame my clumsiness on being tall and having a weird center of gravity (I may have made that up…). But, I don’t think choking on myself can be blamed on my center of gravity. So what gives?