When to stay and when to go.

Fear of Moving or Changing

I’ve always wanted to live somewhere else. Anywhere else. When I was younger I was so envious of my cousins that got to live on farms in Iowa – they had farm cats (and kittens!), they had family nearby to spend time with, they were each others best friend.  It was so foreign to what I was used to that it seemed so much better than what I had. After visiting San Francisco in high school I just *knew* that was were I should end up – access to great seafood (and food in general), the Ghiradelli factory, an ocean nearby and the big city life all called out to me. During my study abroad in college I felt at home in Europe, it didn’t matter where – everything was so glamorous, foreign and the accents sold me immediately. I would have sold an organ if it meant knowing I could call Paris, Madrid, Amsterdam…. my home.  (c’mon ladies, am I right on the accent thing?)

After graduation I had friends stay in Fort Collins/Denver, move to the mountains a few hours away, move to Texas, move to Philadelphia – most of them left the familiar. Part of me always felt like I was missing out on not moving, on staying just where I had always been. How could I consider myself a real grownup if I lived 15 minutes from the home I grew up in? What experiences was I missing? It’s something that both haunts and compels me. What are the merits to living near family? What are the merits of branching out on your own.

I day-dream about strapping on a back pack and just going to Italy with a one way ticket. I fantasize about spending a year volunteering in Africa. I crave  exploring a new city and making it my own.

On the other side of the coin…

I love that my mom is only 10 minutes away. I feel incredibly lucky to see both sides of our family (both mine and Christian’s) in some capacity each week. It’s wonderful to know that if I have a desperate need, that there will be someone there for me. Life is sometimes harsh and sometimes short. Do we, in the end, regret the adventure or regret the time spent with the ones we love. If only the answer was clear.

Frankly, I don’t know where to draw the line. The grass is always greener on the other side (or is it where you water it?). I feel inexplicably torn between finding and building the life I’ve always dreamed of and holding on to the treasured one I have. Most of the time its hard to tell where the dream starts and the need begins, just as its hard to know what at my core I really desire when both push so hard at my seams.

How do you know? Do you wait for the big “aha” moment? The irony of all the wishing for family close by and now, in part, wishing for a far off adventure is not lost on me.  One of my aspirations for this year is to live my life with a little more intention. Do I just live, intentionally, in the moment or is this the year to push, intentionally, for change?

Published by Megan

I'm a marketer, cook, avid bug hater, cupcake lover, hiker, klutz, and married lady living in the great state of Colorado... My name is Megan Stecker and I'm a Colorado native. That's right, born and raised. I currently live in Denver and work in Marketing. I love what I do and watching it impact my client's business. I love to cook and bake. A good glass of wine can cure what's ailing you as long as you drink it in good company. I love the outdoors. Hiking, camping, exploring... I'm in. I have two dogs, Ollie and Duke, and I treat them like a children. My husband, friends and family mean everything to me. I also, inadvertently, find myself in the midst of disaster on a regular basis.

2 thoughts on “When to stay and when to go.

  1. wow, this is such a fantastic post and one that totally resonates with me. I love my city (Austin; I grew up in a small town in upstate New York) and can’t imagine living anywhere else. I ended up here half on purpose and half on accident, but it’s definitely the place I would choose if I was making that choice. Most of my extended family lives within a 2 hour drive, and my parents moved back to the area a year after I did. I met my husband here; all of his family is within an easy 2 hour drive, too. Sometimes he has companies ask him if he’s willing to relocate for a job. His answer is always no. We have the best of both worlds– living in a city we love with our family nearby.
    But if I honestly had to choose, I’d probably stick with the familiar. I don’t think you can ever regret the time spent with family, and adventure can always be had in other ways.

    1. I think I agree with you (think being the key word since I’m terribly torn each way). We don’t have any plans to go anywhere but my wanderlust is in full gear! In my heart of hearts I know that having the time with the ones I love is worth more than most anything else I could dream up. Thanks so much for weighing in, loved your insight!

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